What do I say when...?
Short, kind words are easier to say than long explanations. Pick a line below, change it so it sounds like you, and say it once. You do not need the perfect wording. You need words that are true and kind, said out loud.
By Jodie O'Malley, LICSW, a licensed clinical social worker. AI helped draft it. Jodie checked it, probably twice. Updated October 27, 2026.What do I say when I need to say no?
- Thanks for thinking of me. I can't this time.
- I would love to help, but my plate is full this week.
- Not this time, but please ask me again.
- I need to check my week first. I will let you know by Friday.
What do I say when I need help?
- Could you give me a hand with this? It would mean a lot.
- I am a bit stuck. Do you have ten minutes?
- Would you mind picking up the kids on Tuesday? I can do Thursday.
- I usually handle this alone, but I could use some help.
What do I say when I snapped at someone?
- I was sharp with you earlier and you did not deserve that. I am sorry.
- I got defensive. You were right to raise it.
- Can we try that conversation again? I was not at my best.
What do I say when I am not OK?
- Not a great day here. Could we talk later?
- I am not OK today. I do not need you to fix it. Could you check in on me?
- Honestly, I have been finding things hard lately.
What do I say when work is too much?
- I can take this on if something else moves. Which should I drop?
- Here is my first draft. It is rough on purpose so we can shape it together.
- I made an error in the report. Here is the fix.
- Can you show me how you would do it? I want to learn your way.
What do I say when someone gives me feedback or praise?
- Thank you. I worked hard on that.
- Good point. Let me think about that and come back to you.
- That stings a little, but it is useful. Thanks for telling me.
What do I say when it is family or friends?
- I miss you. Can we get a coffee soon?
- I am going to sit this one out, but I would love to see you after.
- I love you, and I see this differently.
How do I make the words sound like me?
Say the line out loud once, then swap any word that feels stiff. Keep it short. The shorter it is, the less room there is to talk yourself out of it.
Which skills help me say it?
Each of these takes a few minutes to practice. Saved scripts live in the Flexi app, ready when you need them.
FM 7.10Kind NoSay no clearly and kindly, without over explaining or apologizing.
FM 7.3Ask KindlyAsk for what you need, clearly and without blame.
FM 4.1Blush and RepairOwn a slip, let it show, then make it right.
FM 7.11Brave TalkPlan a hard conversation so it has the best chance to go well, even with nerves.
FM 2.3Say It StraightPut it in plain words and own your share of it.
FM 9.3Own Your SpaceKnow what you are allowed to want, feel and ask for, and protect it kindly.Questions people ask
How do I say no without explaining?
Thank them, say no, and stop. For example: Thanks for thinking of me. I can't this time. A short no is still a kind no.
How do I apologize after snapping?
Own it in one sentence without a long defense, then ask what they need. For example: I was sharp with you and you did not deserve that. I am sorry.
How do I tell someone I am not OK?
Pick one safe person and send one true sentence, such as: Not a great day here. Could we talk later?