Free skill library
All 86 Flexi skills, in nine groups.
Each Flexi skill is a small, everyday action you can try in a few minutes. Tap any skill to see what it is, when to use it, its Picture it image and the words Flexi uses to teach it.
Prefer a book? All 86 skills are in the ebook Good Enough on Purpose, a $19.99 PDF.
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01
Feel Safe
Calm the body so connection can happen. Picture it: The dimmer switch. You don't flip calm on. You turn the dial down, a little at a time.
FM 1.1Settle and SignalLean back, breathe slow and soften your face so your body tells everyone it is safe.
FM 1.2Warm WishesSend a kind thought to someone, then to yourself.
FM 1.3Cool Down QuickWhen a feeling spikes past 8 out of 10, change your body first: cool your face, move hard, stretch the out breath, then squeeze and let go.
FM 1.4Head to ToeScan slowly from the top of your head down to your toes. Notice what each part feels like without trying to fix it.
FM 1.5Slow BiteTake one bite or sip slowly and give it all your attention: the taste, the texture, the temperature.02
Notice
See what is here before you react. Picture it: The weather report. Feelings are weather. Name the clouds; you don't have to argue with them.
FM 2.1Name the MomentSay what shows up inside you, one thing at a time.
FM 2.2Wide EyesTake it all in before you decide what it means.
FM 2.3Say It StraightPut it in plain words and own your share of it.
FM 2.4Jump InJoin in fully without rehearsing first.
FM 2.5Catch the CriticNotice the harsh inner voice and how you react to it, then soften it and choose your next move.
FM 2.6One Thing NowGive one thing your full attention, then the next.
FM 2.7Humble and HelpfulDo what works, even if it means you were wrong.
FM 2.8Here, Not ThereWhen your mind races ahead or replays the past, feel your feet, name three things you can see and come back to right here.
FM 2.9Sound CheckPause and name three sounds you can hear right now, one close, one far and one in between.
FM 2.10Let It FloatPicture a busy thought as a cloud. Notice it, name it, and let it drift past without chasing it.03
Open Up
Meet new ideas with curiosity. Picture it: The door left ajar. Not wide open, just open enough for something new to come in.
FM 3.1Pause and OpenWhen you feel defensive, pause, breathe and stay open.
FM 3.2Try Something NewStretch your routine on purpose, a little at a time.
FM 3.3Soften CertaintyNotice the need to be right and loosen it kindly.
FM 3.4Bend the RuleWeigh what a strict inner rule gives you against what it costs, then try a looser version.
FM 3.5Ask the QuitGet curious about the urge to give up.
FM 3.6One Small StepMove forward when part of you wants to stop.
FM 3.7Show Your HandSay what you really feel and want, kindly.
FM 3.8Rewrite the ScriptCatch an old story your mind tells about you, see what it costs, then act like the person you want to be.
FM 3.9Face It KindlyLook at what is real, including your part, without blaming others or falling apart.04
Feel It
Let feelings work for you, not against you. Picture it: The wave. It rises, it peaks and it passes, as long as you don't fight it.
FM 4.1Blush and RepairOwn a slip, let it show, then make it right.
FM 4.2Cheer Them OnTurn envy into celebration and fuel for your own goals.
FM 4.3Lighten UpSet down bitterness and reach back out to people.
FM 4.4Soft LandingWhen rejection stings, steady yourself, be kind to the hurt and check the story before you react.
FM 4.5Armor DownFeel the anger, find the hurt underneath, then choose a calm, firm move.
FM 4.6Shine a Light on ShameName shame when it shows up, and treat yourself like someone you love.
FM 4.7Guilt GuideLet guilt point you to what matters, make amends, and move on.
FM 4.8Message ReceivedEvery feeling brings a message. Open it, learn from it, and use its energy.
FM 4.9Willing to FeelChoose to let a hard feeling come and go while you do what matters, instead of fighting it off.
FM 4.10Carry It AlongFeel bad and still do what matters, with the hard feeling riding along.
FM 4.11Sting CheckWhen a comment stings, pause and look for anything useful in it before you defend, attack or shut down.
FM 4.12Envy to AdmireWhen envy turns sour, ask what you admire in the other person and what you could learn from it.
FM 4.13Wobbly WelcomeLet the "not ready" feeling ride along while you finish and send the thing anyway.
FM 4.14Hold the WinceAfter a kind no, let the guilty sting be there without rushing to fix it or take it back.
FM 4.15Soft Spot AllowedLet yourself feel tired, sad or scared for a few minutes without pulling it together for anyone.
FM 4.16Leave It OpenLet a question stay unanswered for a while and notice the itch to check, plan or fix.
FM 4.17Give It a SeatName the feeling you have been tucking away and let it take up a little space.
FM 4.18Soak It UpPlan small moments that feel good, like a slow sip, a thank you or a silly game, then slow down and soak them in.
FM 4.19Plan a Little JoyPut one small, pleasant thing on today's list, then do it.
FM 4.20Thanks Out LoudTell someone one thing you are grateful for about them.
FM 4.21Play on PurposeDo something silly for no reason and let yourself enjoy it.
FM 4.22Share the GoodTell someone about something good and let them be glad with you.05
Bend
Respond to life without breaking. Picture it: The bamboo in the storm. The stiff tree snaps. The bendy one is still standing tomorrow.
FM 5.1Feedback FriendlyHear what stings, keep what helps and try one change.
FM 5.2Choose for NowWhen you are stuck between options, pick one for now, let the worry come along and learn as you go.
FM 5.3Good Enough GoldSpot where perfect is costing you, then practice handing in good enough on purpose.
FM 5.4Procrastinate No MoreFind what is really stopping you, shrink the first step and start for just five minutes.
FM 5.5Bounce Back PlanExpect setbacks, be kind to yourself when they come, learn what you can and try again.
FM 5.6Yes, And ThinkingSwap but for and, so two true things can sit side by side, then choose a step that honors both.
FM 5.7Progress Over PerfectMeasure how far you have come, not how far you are from flawless, and count every small step.
FM 5.8Brave BetWeigh what you could gain against what you might risk, then take a small, healthy chance.
FM 5.9Real, Not ShinyLet people see an ordinary, imperfect you instead of a polished image, a little at a time.
FM 5.10Live UpFinish what you started, even if it is not perfect. Trying beats giving up.
FM 5.11Totally FlawsomeName a flaw you pick on, say it out loud, then add: and this part of me is welcome too.
FM 5.12Will This Help?Before you react, ask: will this move me toward what I want, with this person, right now?
FM 5.13Pick and GoWhen you are stuck on a choice, set a two minute timer, pick the good enough option and take the first step before doubt catches up.06
Get Curious
Turn inward with questions, not verdicts. Picture it: Detective, not judge. Ask what happened here, not who is guilty.
FM 6.1Curious QuestionAsk yourself what you might need to learn here.
FM 6.2Spot the DodgeFind the ways you escape hard feelings, count what they cost and choose one to try differently.
FM 6.3Pleaser ProfileCheck the six patterns that keep you pleasing others, then pick one to loosen.
FM 6.4Ripple CheckPause and notice how your words and actions land, on you and on the people around you.07
Connect
Build closeness one small step at a time. Picture it: The bridge built from both sides. You lay one plank, they lay the next.
FM 7.1Let Go to ConnectLoosen control and lead with kindness.
FM 7.2Warm FirstStart with warmth and sort out the rest together.
FM 7.3Ask KindlyAsk for what you need, clearly and without blame.
FM 7.4That Makes SenseShow someone their feelings fit the situation.
FM 7.5Open the DoorLet people a little closer than feels comfortable.
FM 7.6One Step CloserMatch what someone shares, then go a little deeper.
FM 7.7Forgive and ReconnectLet go of an old hurt and move toward someone again.
FM 7.8Forgive Yourself TooOwn what you did, make it right where you can, then put down the stick you beat yourself with.
FM 7.9Steady and KindHold your ground with warmth when someone pushes back or criticizes you.
FM 7.10Kind NoSay no clearly and kindly, without over explaining or apologizing.
FM 7.11Brave TalkPlan a hard conversation so it has the best chance to go well, even with nerves.
FM 7.12Tune In and TalkListen fully, understand first, then speak with a soft face and kind, clear words.
FM 7.13Welcome BackUse warm signals that bring someone back in, like "I believe in you" or "We are in this together."08
Signal
Notice what your face and body are saying. Picture it: Your face is a billboard. People read it before you say a word.
FM 8.1Spot the PushNotice when your signals push people away.
FM 8.2Spot the ShrinkNotice when you shrink back or go quiet to stay safe.
FM 8.3Step Up and ShareBuild your sharing muscles one small step at a time, from easy to harder.
FM 8.4Curious GuessMake a kind guess about what someone feels, hold it lightly, then check by asking.
FM 8.5Read the RoomNotice where you are and who is there, then set your signal to fit the moment.09
Live Your Values
Let what matters guide how you show up. Picture it: A compass, not a map. You don't need every step, just the direction.
FM 9.1Values LeadDecide what matters most, then let your words and body show it.
FM 9.2Wisdom RootsDraw strength and meaning from the stories and traditions that matter to you.
FM 9.3Own Your SpaceKnow what you are allowed to want, feel and ask for, and protect it kindly.
FM 9.4Did That Work?Look back at a hard moment when you showed up anyway, and notice what you did and how it felt after.
FM 9.5Body Has a VoteTreat your health as a value: pick one small way to fuel, move, rest or ease stress this week, so you can show up for what matters.